The emotions are working overtime and the tears flowed through the night. Yet, this morning, I'm extremely grateful for the new-found clarity of mind and soul brought by the publication of the Conversations with God series. For without those revelations, I'm afraid my angst would overwhelm me as it has so many times before. Now, at 4:30 in the morning, a tear dribbles down my cheek, but I also sense a feeling of peace as I contemplate the horror of another man loving my wife and, even worse, the possibility that she loves him too. The pain almost seems silly given that we haven't lived together for more than three years, and barely spoken in two, while a very lengthy divorce battle rages to a tragic end.
But this morning, I'm so very grateful to know that God lives here, and now, within my heart. I'm so very blessed to understand that my soul brought this terrible pain to my world so that I may better appreciate and experience the happiness that may surround me now and in the future. For how could I ever truly savor the love of a magnificent woman unless I experienced the devastation of it's loss?
It's very early in my effort to truly integrate the principles of Conversations with God into my life and, without fail, I often fail:) But, I am so intensely excited at the amount of peace I am able to feel toward the man who has replaced me in the life of my wife and children. Don't get me wrong. I'm very human and the anger and resentment toward that individual remains. But, the revelations in CWG have re-minded me that my highest goal is pure love and non-judgement. I have no idea what this situation will bring but, in the long run, it surely will be fine. I know there's enough love in the world for everyone and, when it gets right down to it, how can I truly loathe an individual for falling in love with a woman that I've adored for 20 years? How could he not? I guess, like me, he's just developed some pretty good taste.
This morning, I'm truly blessed that the God of my understanding sees fit to restore me to some form of peace and relieve a large portion of the hatred in my heart. It feels amazing to seek joy rather than anger and I thank God for the messengers and messages brought forth in CWG.
Hi ...Mark Santana....i understand ur pain....I went through immense pain myself and I can empathize with u....Neale really knows how to write..and the stuff he has written amazing .!!!!!1..such a balm to the soul....i've read all his books...my favs are al 3 CWG. ,Friendship with God,....Communionwith God....Q &A on CWG...Applications for Right livelihood..& Home with God...God Bless NDW.!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are at the beginning of a very beautiful and very liberating experience. I am most grateful that you were able to read CWG when you did. It seems to come to us when we are ready to receive it. I have studied for years, and I applaud your making an effort to give people back to themselves. I will have to check in on your blog. I am excited for what you have yet to 'remember'.
ReplyDeleteBe Blessed,
Butterfly
Sarah: Thanks for the comments!
ReplyDeleteAnd Butterfly too! Thank you:)
ReplyDeleteHello there!!!!could you kindly clarify your surname please?????Also...i'd like your take on " Jesus The Christ...God...." are they like separate?????and your take on " God"....god bless.....
ReplyDeleteSarah: I'm going to write on this soon. Thank you so much for spurring me to it:)
ReplyDeleteHi.....Mark!!!!!!!my pleasure....you're welcome and God speed.....
ReplyDelete