Relegating Resentment

I'm really good at resentment. I mean REALLY good. And man, it's something I do NOT wish to be really good at anymore.

I apologize. I know I tend to write far too much about my (soon-to-be-ex) wife but considering that she's the chief source/object of my resentment and serenity-depletion, it's a difficult subject for me to avoid if I wish to be truly transparent and honest here. The wish would be that you can relate to my trouble should you have relationship difficulties of your own. Perhaps we may learn and grow together.

God made a point especially clear in his teachings through Neale Donald Walsch and the Conversations with God revelations. It is a certain fact that you and I are truly blessed for any and all resentments that we DO have. The concept seems crazy but don't you love the awareness behind it? For it means that only by getting over our resentments and TRULY forgiving others can we TRULY experience the beauty and love of forgiveness. There simply is no way for us to enjoy the exquisite peace of forgiveness unless we've suffered through the agony of anger and resentment.

For some of us (translation: me) that anger and resentment can all too often become almost an addiction. WARNING! (Here comes the requisite wife reference):

Everytime I get to a spot where I'm able to relegate away some of the resentment toward the pain & damage that her actions have brought me and our children...she comes up with something new to add to my list! Yes, I'm having trouble understanding why a mother would choose to miss her daughter's high school graduation. Yes, I'm having difficulty comprehending why my wife would decide that a vacation to Georgia with one of her boyfriends was more important than enjoying her daughter's only high school graduation. I'm afraid I possess no good answer. Thus, one more resentment to pile onto the stack of a hundred others.

Again, I apologize if my examples are too personal. And I don't mean to utilize this forum as an opportunity to bash my former beloved. But I feel as if sharing my life and providing real-life examples is the best way to help us all relate to and better incorporate the CWG revelations into our experience today.

And that is my challenge. To accept the fact that I will find new opportunity to grow resentments nearly every day. And I HAVE to let them go. Because by letting go, I allow myself to create a new reality; a space where forgiveness is very real and where I may appreciate the enlightenment of God. For He has already forgiven everything that we do. She has already refused judgement on others. And there isn't even anything to forgive because our view of "right and wrong" is only our perception of an action.

How incredibly arrogant of me to insist upon judging one whom God refuses to judge. My goal is to claim my birthright and become as much like my Creator as possible. And that evolution will constantly be impaired until the point that I honestly call forth forgiveness, understand that there really isn't even anything TO judge, and relegate resentment. My God, help me to re-member this each and every single day. Amen.