I'm really good at resentment. I mean REALLY good. And man, it's something I do NOT wish to be really good at anymore.
I apologize. I know I tend to write far too much about my (soon-to-be-ex) wife but considering that she's the chief source/object of my resentment and serenity-depletion, it's a difficult subject for me to avoid if I wish to be truly transparent and honest here. The wish would be that you can relate to my trouble should you have relationship difficulties of your own. Perhaps we may learn and grow together.
God made a point especially clear in his teachings through Neale Donald Walsch and the Conversations with God revelations. It is a certain fact that you and I are truly blessed for any and all resentments that we DO have. The concept seems crazy but don't you love the awareness behind it? For it means that only by getting over our resentments and TRULY forgiving others can we TRULY experience the beauty and love of forgiveness. There simply is no way for us to enjoy the exquisite peace of forgiveness unless we've suffered through the agony of anger and resentment.
For some of us (translation: me) that anger and resentment can all too often become almost an addiction. WARNING! (Here comes the requisite wife reference):
Everytime I get to a spot where I'm able to relegate away some of the resentment toward the pain & damage that her actions have brought me and our children...she comes up with something new to add to my list! Yes, I'm having trouble understanding why a mother would choose to miss her daughter's high school graduation. Yes, I'm having difficulty comprehending why my wife would decide that a vacation to Georgia with one of her boyfriends was more important than enjoying her daughter's only high school graduation. I'm afraid I possess no good answer. Thus, one more resentment to pile onto the stack of a hundred others.
Again, I apologize if my examples are too personal. And I don't mean to utilize this forum as an opportunity to bash my former beloved. But I feel as if sharing my life and providing real-life examples is the best way to help us all relate to and better incorporate the CWG revelations into our experience today.
And that is my challenge. To accept the fact that I will find new opportunity to grow resentments nearly every day. And I HAVE to let them go. Because by letting go, I allow myself to create a new reality; a space where forgiveness is very real and where I may appreciate the enlightenment of God. For He has already forgiven everything that we do. She has already refused judgement on others. And there isn't even anything to forgive because our view of "right and wrong" is only our perception of an action.
How incredibly arrogant of me to insist upon judging one whom God refuses to judge. My goal is to claim my birthright and become as much like my Creator as possible. And that evolution will constantly be impaired until the point that I honestly call forth forgiveness, understand that there really isn't even anything TO judge, and relegate resentment. My God, help me to re-member this each and every single day. Amen.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Mommy, My Medicine is SO Yummy!
It never ceases to amaze me how downright self-destructive I can sometimes be. In many ways, I view this blog as a therapeutic exercise. It's an opportunity for me to rid my brain of some of the negative thoughts that routinely cloud my awareness. It's a way for me to share some ideas and work through some of the stressors of life via the magic of pounding them out on the keyboard. And, I hope that by trying to share such things, I can assist in being a messenger of the truths that we've received from not only the Conversations with God trilogy but from many other great teachers.
While I definitely desire for this site to help others (you) it's also an extremely crucial way for me to commune with the God of my understanding. The warmth and faith I feel while working on this blog and chatting with many of you is truly sweet. For an hour or so a day I can focus exclusively on God and His message and the truths he's shared with us concerning the integration of science and spirituality. For an hour or two per day I can do Her work and be in His employ. Exclusively.
So why in the blankety-blank haven't I updated or written anything here for the past 10 days? That's where the self-destruction comes in. So often, I can be like the little child who is ill yet refuses to take his medicine. Working on this page, writing, talking to you and communing with God...yeah, that's my medicine. But I so easily can become distracted and put other things before that which is most important in my world.
Oh, I had several topics that I wanted to write about. But they seemed so deep and I wanted to get them SO right that I put it off until the next day. And then the next. And the next. Just to think about it some more, ya know? And of course, there's all the other things that come up and chip away at my time. You know what I mean; all that other stuff that's REALLY important. Like making money. As if I have any chance whatsoever of making that money, improving my life and feeling extreme joy and peace without placing the wondrous Creator of the Universe first in my life...and in my day.
My medicine is what's important. My time with God and doing His work is truly what's important. Writing about these new revelations and focusing my mind, and soul, on them everyday; oh yes, thank you God, that, THAT is what's important.
I'm about creating a new life and choosing a new experience. I'm pretty sure I can do a better job of finding an hour per day to do what I love; write this blog with God in my heart and on my fingertips.
While I definitely desire for this site to help others (you) it's also an extremely crucial way for me to commune with the God of my understanding. The warmth and faith I feel while working on this blog and chatting with many of you is truly sweet. For an hour or so a day I can focus exclusively on God and His message and the truths he's shared with us concerning the integration of science and spirituality. For an hour or two per day I can do Her work and be in His employ. Exclusively.
So why in the blankety-blank haven't I updated or written anything here for the past 10 days? That's where the self-destruction comes in. So often, I can be like the little child who is ill yet refuses to take his medicine. Working on this page, writing, talking to you and communing with God...yeah, that's my medicine. But I so easily can become distracted and put other things before that which is most important in my world.
Oh, I had several topics that I wanted to write about. But they seemed so deep and I wanted to get them SO right that I put it off until the next day. And then the next. And the next. Just to think about it some more, ya know? And of course, there's all the other things that come up and chip away at my time. You know what I mean; all that other stuff that's REALLY important. Like making money. As if I have any chance whatsoever of making that money, improving my life and feeling extreme joy and peace without placing the wondrous Creator of the Universe first in my life...and in my day.
My medicine is what's important. My time with God and doing His work is truly what's important. Writing about these new revelations and focusing my mind, and soul, on them everyday; oh yes, thank you God, that, THAT is what's important.
I'm about creating a new life and choosing a new experience. I'm pretty sure I can do a better job of finding an hour per day to do what I love; write this blog with God in my heart and on my fingertips.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
The Gift of Pain: Why Missing My Son Doesn't Have to Hurt...TOO Much
This past Friday had the potential to be a rough day. In fact, in the past, I would have chosen to make it so. August 7th was my only son's 17th birthday. Sadly, I wasn't able to spend it with him or be involved in the festivities on any level. That same day also brought news that a job I'd recently interviewed for would not be materializing. Both of those disappointments were direct results of decisions and poor choices I've made in the past. Unfortunate behavior that's had a profoundly damaging effect on my family and my own psyche.
There was a time, not too long ago, that I would have used this pain to stew in self-pity, guilt, anger, and depression. This past Friday, I chose not to live that way any longer.
The principles illustrated in Conversations with God and put on paper by Neale Donald Walsch have helped me to RE-MEMBER that every single day is an opportunity to recreate my life and make a choice as to how I will allow a situation to exist in my reality.
What an incredible blessing to re-member that, when I'm wounded, emotionally or otherwise, it is most likely MY soul that has chosen to undergo that hurt. Why? Because it is a part of the life experience that I have CHOSEN to undergo in order to better know myself. And, because without that pain, I simply could never TRULY appreciate the happiness that exists in abundance around me now and in the future.
There will come a day, and I intend for it to be very soon, that I will be with my son on his birthday and enjoy the splendor of his company. And, that enjoyment will be all the sweeter as I
compare it to the pain of previous experience.
As for the job, how may I make any judgement about that? Apparently, my soul chose not to make it a part of my world at this time. My MIND told me it was excruciatingly necessary but I know, in my heart, that things will be fine without it. I'm choosing a new life to create.
That life is loaded with abundance including the companionship of my children and the job of my dreams...the reality of everything is what I choose. What a gift from the Universe. Thank you.
There was a time, not too long ago, that I would have used this pain to stew in self-pity, guilt, anger, and depression. This past Friday, I chose not to live that way any longer.
The principles illustrated in Conversations with God and put on paper by Neale Donald Walsch have helped me to RE-MEMBER that every single day is an opportunity to recreate my life and make a choice as to how I will allow a situation to exist in my reality.
What an incredible blessing to re-member that, when I'm wounded, emotionally or otherwise, it is most likely MY soul that has chosen to undergo that hurt. Why? Because it is a part of the life experience that I have CHOSEN to undergo in order to better know myself. And, because without that pain, I simply could never TRULY appreciate the happiness that exists in abundance around me now and in the future.
There will come a day, and I intend for it to be very soon, that I will be with my son on his birthday and enjoy the splendor of his company. And, that enjoyment will be all the sweeter as I
compare it to the pain of previous experience.
As for the job, how may I make any judgement about that? Apparently, my soul chose not to make it a part of my world at this time. My MIND told me it was excruciatingly necessary but I know, in my heart, that things will be fine without it. I'm choosing a new life to create.
That life is loaded with abundance including the companionship of my children and the job of my dreams...the reality of everything is what I choose. What a gift from the Universe. Thank you.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Inside the Meeting with Bill Clinton, Kim Jong-il & God
God, presented us with an interesting opportunity this past Tuesday. Or, perhaps it was our collective conscious that created the chance. Either way, the people of the United States sent one of our previous supreme leaders into the hostile territory of a rogue nation to rescue a couple of American citizens. And it worked. Peacefully. Hmm.
It was 2002 when Neale Donald Walsch published his book "The New Revelations: A Conversation with God." The September 11th terrorist attacks had taken place the year before and Neale was understandably distraught over the violent course that we humans insist upon taking. As you probably know, the book deals largely with our need, as a species, to begin distancing ourselves from this annoying perception of separation...from both God and our fellow man. It's a desperate call FROM ourselves TO ourselves to stop the insane desire for dominance. To change a world choking on government after government and country after country and religion after religion fighting for power, ego and the status-quo.
And then, on Tuesday, a man who grew up fatherless in the poor state of Arkansas, strolled across the border of one of America's most bitter enemies and said "Whaddaya think? Maybe we can work this one out."
Bill Clinton is one amazing dude. For most of my career, I've been an on-air radio personality and it was during the campaign of 2004 that the former president appeared on my show for a short chat. For years, I'd read stories about what a skilled politician he was was; how he possessed the inate ability to quickly charm anyone that ventured into his presence. Frankly, I'm not easily impressed by celebrity or power. I've met and interviewed hundreds of big names, stars, politicians and humans of significant stature. But, with all that said, it took me about 15 seconds to fall in love with the man. I'm tellin' ya, my new buddy Bill made me feel as if we'd been best friends forever. In our chat before going on-air, even across a phone line, his personality grabbed me and wouldn't let go. I simply have never come across a man more charismatic than William Jefferson Clinton. It's an intangible quality in a person that somewhat defies description unless you've experienced it.
So I understand what Kim Jong-il felt when he came into the presence of the former president of the United States. Mr. Clinton was there to negotiate the release of two Americans essentially held hostage by the rogue nation. There was simply no way that the North Korean dictator was going to be able to say "no" to Hillary's beau. The man with the funny glasses was way out of his league.
Of course, it wasn't ALL about Bill. The communist government wanted an easy way out of the situation. Here, they had a chance to "save face" and put a positive PR spin on an image that's been spiraling downward. They get guys like me to write stories on blogs like this praising North Korea for their great "humanitarian gesture."
But you know what? In a way that doesn't matter. As the Conversations with God principles teach us, every human and every government is operating according to their model of the world. A good majority of the humans on this planet agree that nations like North Korea are "wrong" while Kim Jong -il and others among his government have an entirely different perspective.
Their actions were probably entirely self-serving. But it opened up at least some small path to potential peace. God listened to our will. He put an exceptionally charismatic American face-to-face with North Korean leadership and showed both sides that they could work together. Now, the universe has enjoyed a taste of this cooperation. Perhaps our collective conscious will now be willing to try the same approach more and more often.
It ain't much but it's a start.
It was 2002 when Neale Donald Walsch published his book "The New Revelations: A Conversation with God." The September 11th terrorist attacks had taken place the year before and Neale was understandably distraught over the violent course that we humans insist upon taking. As you probably know, the book deals largely with our need, as a species, to begin distancing ourselves from this annoying perception of separation...from both God and our fellow man. It's a desperate call FROM ourselves TO ourselves to stop the insane desire for dominance. To change a world choking on government after government and country after country and religion after religion fighting for power, ego and the status-quo.
And then, on Tuesday, a man who grew up fatherless in the poor state of Arkansas, strolled across the border of one of America's most bitter enemies and said "Whaddaya think? Maybe we can work this one out."
Bill Clinton is one amazing dude. For most of my career, I've been an on-air radio personality and it was during the campaign of 2004 that the former president appeared on my show for a short chat. For years, I'd read stories about what a skilled politician he was was; how he possessed the inate ability to quickly charm anyone that ventured into his presence. Frankly, I'm not easily impressed by celebrity or power. I've met and interviewed hundreds of big names, stars, politicians and humans of significant stature. But, with all that said, it took me about 15 seconds to fall in love with the man. I'm tellin' ya, my new buddy Bill made me feel as if we'd been best friends forever. In our chat before going on-air, even across a phone line, his personality grabbed me and wouldn't let go. I simply have never come across a man more charismatic than William Jefferson Clinton. It's an intangible quality in a person that somewhat defies description unless you've experienced it.
So I understand what Kim Jong-il felt when he came into the presence of the former president of the United States. Mr. Clinton was there to negotiate the release of two Americans essentially held hostage by the rogue nation. There was simply no way that the North Korean dictator was going to be able to say "no" to Hillary's beau. The man with the funny glasses was way out of his league.
Of course, it wasn't ALL about Bill. The communist government wanted an easy way out of the situation. Here, they had a chance to "save face" and put a positive PR spin on an image that's been spiraling downward. They get guys like me to write stories on blogs like this praising North Korea for their great "humanitarian gesture."
But you know what? In a way that doesn't matter. As the Conversations with God principles teach us, every human and every government is operating according to their model of the world. A good majority of the humans on this planet agree that nations like North Korea are "wrong" while Kim Jong -il and others among his government have an entirely different perspective.
Their actions were probably entirely self-serving. But it opened up at least some small path to potential peace. God listened to our will. He put an exceptionally charismatic American face-to-face with North Korean leadership and showed both sides that they could work together. Now, the universe has enjoyed a taste of this cooperation. Perhaps our collective conscious will now be willing to try the same approach more and more often.
It ain't much but it's a start.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Crazy People with Yellow Legal Pads
One of my favorite "aha" moments in the "Conversations with God" series comes in book #2 as Neale questions God as to why he's unable to maintain better communication with the Creator. God, noting that Neale is doing pretty well so far with a pen and yellow legal pad, suggests that he maintain that practice. "I can't just walk around all day, writing on a pad," protests Neale.
"Why wouldn't you!?" God breezily retorts. "If you knew that you could achieve constant communion with me...why wouldn't you?"
I laughed loud and long when I first read that passage and I'm chuckling even now just at the thought. To be honest, I initially figured Neale was making some sense! "Well of course you can't just walk around with a pad jotting down questions and answers all day," I thought. "People will think you're nuts!" Then, like a slap upside the head, God's reply was astoundingly beautiful in it's simplicity. " Why wouldn't you?
"Heck yeah," I realized. "If that's all it took to maintain constant awareness you'd better believe I'm on top of that."
And, of course, why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you do whatever it takes to build, maintain and nurture that one-on-one relationship with God? Whether it's writing questions and answers or simply asking AND listening for God's reply...why wouldn't you do whatever it takes? Could it really be that simple?
How gorgeous! For years I've been begging my Creator for his help and now...NOW I finally understand that all I have to do is ask and listen. It really is just that simple, isn't it?
"Why wouldn't you!?" God breezily retorts. "If you knew that you could achieve constant communion with me...why wouldn't you?"
I laughed loud and long when I first read that passage and I'm chuckling even now just at the thought. To be honest, I initially figured Neale was making some sense! "Well of course you can't just walk around with a pad jotting down questions and answers all day," I thought. "People will think you're nuts!" Then, like a slap upside the head, God's reply was astoundingly beautiful in it's simplicity. " Why wouldn't you?
"Heck yeah," I realized. "If that's all it took to maintain constant awareness you'd better believe I'm on top of that."
And, of course, why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you do whatever it takes to build, maintain and nurture that one-on-one relationship with God? Whether it's writing questions and answers or simply asking AND listening for God's reply...why wouldn't you do whatever it takes? Could it really be that simple?
How gorgeous! For years I've been begging my Creator for his help and now...NOW I finally understand that all I have to do is ask and listen. It really is just that simple, isn't it?
Love for the Man Who Loves My Wife?
The emotions are working overtime and the tears flowed through the night. Yet, this morning, I'm extremely grateful for the new-found clarity of mind and soul brought by the publication of the Conversations with God series. For without those revelations, I'm afraid my angst would overwhelm me as it has so many times before. Now, at 4:30 in the morning, a tear dribbles down my cheek, but I also sense a feeling of peace as I contemplate the horror of another man loving my wife and, even worse, the possibility that she loves him too. The pain almost seems silly given that we haven't lived together for more than three years, and barely spoken in two, while a very lengthy divorce battle rages to a tragic end.
But this morning, I'm so very grateful to know that God lives here, and now, within my heart. I'm so very blessed to understand that my soul brought this terrible pain to my world so that I may better appreciate and experience the happiness that may surround me now and in the future. For how could I ever truly savor the love of a magnificent woman unless I experienced the devastation of it's loss?
It's very early in my effort to truly integrate the principles of Conversations with God into my life and, without fail, I often fail:) But, I am so intensely excited at the amount of peace I am able to feel toward the man who has replaced me in the life of my wife and children. Don't get me wrong. I'm very human and the anger and resentment toward that individual remains. But, the revelations in CWG have re-minded me that my highest goal is pure love and non-judgement. I have no idea what this situation will bring but, in the long run, it surely will be fine. I know there's enough love in the world for everyone and, when it gets right down to it, how can I truly loathe an individual for falling in love with a woman that I've adored for 20 years? How could he not? I guess, like me, he's just developed some pretty good taste.
This morning, I'm truly blessed that the God of my understanding sees fit to restore me to some form of peace and relieve a large portion of the hatred in my heart. It feels amazing to seek joy rather than anger and I thank God for the messengers and messages brought forth in CWG.
But this morning, I'm so very grateful to know that God lives here, and now, within my heart. I'm so very blessed to understand that my soul brought this terrible pain to my world so that I may better appreciate and experience the happiness that may surround me now and in the future. For how could I ever truly savor the love of a magnificent woman unless I experienced the devastation of it's loss?
It's very early in my effort to truly integrate the principles of Conversations with God into my life and, without fail, I often fail:) But, I am so intensely excited at the amount of peace I am able to feel toward the man who has replaced me in the life of my wife and children. Don't get me wrong. I'm very human and the anger and resentment toward that individual remains. But, the revelations in CWG have re-minded me that my highest goal is pure love and non-judgement. I have no idea what this situation will bring but, in the long run, it surely will be fine. I know there's enough love in the world for everyone and, when it gets right down to it, how can I truly loathe an individual for falling in love with a woman that I've adored for 20 years? How could he not? I guess, like me, he's just developed some pretty good taste.
This morning, I'm truly blessed that the God of my understanding sees fit to restore me to some form of peace and relieve a large portion of the hatred in my heart. It feels amazing to seek joy rather than anger and I thank God for the messengers and messages brought forth in CWG.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Why This Blog?
It was March, 2009 when the Conversations with God series from Neale Donald Walsch began to change my life. A series of "coincidences"put the first book in my hand and, as I began reading, I experienced one "Oh My God!"moment after another. Powerful instances where suddenly, it "all made sense." NEVER, have I been struck with thunderbolt after thunderbolt of revelation and understanding in the way I experienced it in Conversations with God and the books that came after.
Today, I launch this blog in an attempt to answer the challenge presented to us all: to serve as a messenger of these revelations and help others to re-member who they are. I'm also attempting to recreate own my life, grow in passion, and build an online resource that will encourage both those who already are living the CWG life and those who have yet to stumble across it.
There are so many concepts presented to us in the communications that I feel called to discuss and delve even further into the meat of them all. As we've learned from Neale, I will trust that God is inspiring me to write whatever words spring forth from this brain and keyboard. But, I will make no claim that they are directly from a Divine source. That will be for you, the reader to decide...Mark
Today, I launch this blog in an attempt to answer the challenge presented to us all: to serve as a messenger of these revelations and help others to re-member who they are. I'm also attempting to recreate own my life, grow in passion, and build an online resource that will encourage both those who already are living the CWG life and those who have yet to stumble across it.
There are so many concepts presented to us in the communications that I feel called to discuss and delve even further into the meat of them all. As we've learned from Neale, I will trust that God is inspiring me to write whatever words spring forth from this brain and keyboard. But, I will make no claim that they are directly from a Divine source. That will be for you, the reader to decide...Mark
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